@Danny_McH2O: It'd be ironic if deaf people hung out in heards.
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@slimmy_shady: Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree
@djdarrellripley: Him: This is an awful Thanksgiving meal... The turkey is touching the green beans! Me: It's not what you think, they're just friends.
@Parentpains: Whenever I'm on twitter I always turn my phone upside down to try and collect spare change from your pockets.
@jwoodham: Every spider has the same powers as Spiderman, yet none of them choose to be superheroes. This is everything you need to know about spiders.