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@Danny_McH2O: It'd be ironic if deaf people hung out in heards.
@robfee: Home Alone would've been over in like 20 minutes if they were able to text.
@Jenny4ashley: How to lose weight:
1. Name your kid Weight
2. Take it to the mall
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, why do you have to go to work everyday?
Me: Do you like clothes?
Daughter: Not really
Me: Shut up
@gerryhatric: A man was arrested on Brighton beach today for throwing pebbles at the sea birds.
He was accused of having left no tern unstoned.
@HTownHarold: Guys guide to AC levels in car with spouse:
If you're hot, she's cold
If you're comfortable, she's cold
If you're cold, she's not in the car