@AngelaEhh: It'd be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
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@TheToddWilliams: I wear a ski mask wherever I go but only rob ski resorts. It's quite ingenious really. Let me explain...
@KalvinMacleod: [dinner party] GUEST: so what are your thoughts on euthanasia? ME: [mouth full of mashed potatoes] I am against youths everywhere.
@noog: Thanks for wishing me a Happy Monday, you've changed my entire outlook. I don't hate Monday anymore. I hate you. Happy New Sworn Enemy.
@david8hughes: [at work] "Mornin, Margaret." "Mornin. You're late today." [looks at watch] "Not as late as your dead husband though, am I?"