@AngelaEhh: It'd be nice if the married people would leave some of the single people for the rest of the single people.
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@JohnLyonTweets: Yelling at me for warming towels in the oven is not going to get the fire department here any faster.
@girl_a_whirl: [Exorcism] Priest: What is your name? Demon: Jim Wife: Jim who owes us $100 or hot Jim? Demon: Nice legs Carol Wife: Let's keep him. Next...
@mamatomy3: My husband ran for 30 minutes on the treadmill. He's told every other person on earth and I didn't want y'all to be out of the loop.
@freypalm: *I describe my lost cat to the cops* Sketch Artist: *draws my cat* Detective Dog: *adds WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE beneath the picture*