@LizHackett: It's 11:48 PM. You can't sleep. Underneath your bed, there's a creepy rustle, as the clown tries to quietly unwrap and eat a granola bar.
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@Sassafrantz: Why are guys so desperate for oral sex? We swallow over 57 spiders a yr while sleeping.The odds that 1 could come back up should terrify you
@neiltyson: Urge is strong to leave work early on summer Fridays to avoid traffic. Most do it & become the traffic they sought to avoid.
@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: It's over Anakin! I have the high ground! Anakin:*Force pushes him out of the way* Obi-wan: Damn that completely obvious solution
@LostCatDog: I peed in an ocean, but I'm not going to tell you which one - you're going to have to take your chances.