@Schindizzle: It's 2015. I can't believe we're still referring to a dress as colored.
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@PaperWash: [death row] Guard: alright tough guy one last meal Me: a cyanide pill Guard: what? no we want to kill you! Me: too bad Guard: aw man
@Vice_Queen: So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?
@JawnQSack: Marilyn Monroe died & was reincarnated into thousands of white girls who can't be handled at their worst, and aren't deserved at their best.
@TommyKarate: I hate it when I get my days mixed up and I accidentally take my stupid wife out instead of my girlfriend.