@wwwdotben: It's 3000 AD. Everything is fleek. President Updog has dissolved congress. Women make 700x what men do. I'm still writing 2014 on my checks.
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@McSwtrvst: Leonardo: Let's go rescue April!! Donatello: Let's do it! Raphael: Bodacious!! Michelangelo: Totally!! Vincent: *cuts off ear* give her this
@joe_binkley: Chopped: College Edition. "In your mystery basket: Ramen Noodles, coffee, crippling debt, a worthless degree. Chefs, you have 30 minutes."
@sixfootcandy: Picking out the right Christmas tree is a science. Sneaking into your neighbor's yard to cut it down is an art.
@platinum2000: "How much ice does it take to preserve a dead body?" *I ask on twitter because googling it gets people caught.