@TidyCats: “IT'S 3AM! TIME FOR SPRINTS!" - Cats
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@LaziestCanine: Doctor: this might hurt a little bit Me: okay Doctor: i like you, but only as a friend
@Try2StopME: If someone is bothering you with unneccessary calls to your cell number, post their number on eBay with the ad "iPhone 5S for $1 only"
@theshamingofjay: Co-worker: Did you see that play in the Super Bowl? Worst decision ever. Me: Really? Aren't you married?