@TidyCats: “IT'S 3AM! TIME FOR SPRINTS!" - Cats
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@ambamthankyamam: Bicyclists, it's one thing to hog the road, but it's quite another to expect us to know your fancy hand signals. Also, I can see your balls.
@Reverend_Scott: Throwing pregnancy tests into the shopping carts of random couples at Walmart is the only silver lining in my day.
@Schmoodles: You can get out of jury duty on the first day by blatantly winking at the defendant as you give them a double thumbs up.
@lunchbox_82: I wanted to be Batman when I was a kid. So I kept leading my parents into dark alleys in the bad part of town.