@erica_rosie: It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.
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@leslid79: 1. Change last name to Crunch. 2. Join the military. 3. Work my way up to Captain. 4. Become Captain Crunch. 5. WIN LIFE
@Mr_Kapowski: Real Estate Agent: Do you want to look at the model homes? Me: I'm flattered you think I'm a model but I'll just look at the regular homes
@causticbob: A secretary walks into her boss's office and says, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" He says, "No, dial with your finger like everyone else."