@erica_rosie: It's 450 BC. Socrates is doing a keg stand at a philosopher frat party. Gets the nickname SoCRAYtes. Nobody takes him seriously ever again.
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@RafaelaStoakes: If a kid asks you to check under the bed for monsters & you look, scream & run out of the room, you wont be asked to baby sit again!
@iwearaonesie: [playing hangman] wife: Pick a letter son: Does it have to be from the alphabet? me *gets up* wife *sound of his college fund jar breaking*
@thetits: HER: I'd invite you in, but I never kill on a first date ME: kill? HER: haha I meant kiss stupid autocorrect ME: we are talking out loud
@bluntphilip: There's nothing more realistic in this world than a 26 year old couple on a house hunting tv show with a $1 million budget.