@Pirate_nurse: It's 6 am and I've already referred to a patient as "the one with the tig ol biddies"...wonder what time HR gets here
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@FatherWithTwins: I forgot my phone... 2005: I don't need to be that accessible 2010: Let's make this a short trip 2015: OH MY GOD, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE
@revious: My ex got drunk and left me at a bar so I called the police and reported a drunk driver.. #topahole
@OBiiieeee: cant sleep because i keep thinking about the time i went into my garage and saw a raccoon holding a pen correctly
@PaperWash: Noah build an ark "what? why" I'm gunna flood the earth "just give me fish powers" [jealous he didn't think of that] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!