@LostCatDog: It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.
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@TheGladStork: Daughter: How was your day, Daddy? Me: Pretty busy, lots of meetings and deadlines. Her: DEAD LIONS!?!
@brennadine: [High Stakes Poker] Dealer: Are you in or are you out? Schrödinger's Cat: [For the 20th time] BOTH [Player flips table]
@cornlog: So rude of Ashton Kutcher to file divorce papers right before Demi Moore's 150th birthday.