@LostCatDog: It's a comfort knowing Dad is looking down on me, but we should probably cut his hang-glider out of that tree one of these days.
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@MichaelTrying: My behavior when there is a mosquito in the car while I’m driving suggests I am willing to die in order to kill a mosquito.
@dafloydsta: [date] HER: So do you like Star Wars? ME: Oh yeah HER: Who's your favorite character? ME: *nervously looking at smudged notes* Yoga
@sucittaM: When I see people running to catch the elevator I'm on I yell "HURRY! YOU GOTTA SMELL THIS!".
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: I put my Barbie in the tanning bed. Me: You don’t have a Barbie tanning bed. 4: Me: *sprints to the toaster*