@omgthatspunny: It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.
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@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: Raise your hand if you are young Me: *raises hand 4yo: No, daddy, not you.
@dshack8: Hell hath no fury like a woman not getting responses to her text messages while she sees that you're continuing to tweet.
@Smethanie: I texted someone "hell yeah," but autocorrect changed it to "hell year" because even our phones know.
@rachelle_mandik: a kid i met insisted she visited the "vampire state building" and i couldn't bring myself to correct her