@omgthatspunny: It's a fact, taller people sleep longer in bed.
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@Holy_Mowgli: ~mattress store ME:i need to use the intercom CASHIER:no M:this time for real…my kid's lost C: M: C:fine M:*to entire store*I SEE BED PEOPLE
@_ElvishPresley_: ME: sure, but how often do you come across a good peephole? HER: I asked if you were a "people" person ME: ohhh...definitely not
@envydatropic: It's cute how I ordered 2 drinks and the bartender asked if I wanted to wait for the other person to be seated
@50NerdsofGrey: 'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!' 'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed. He hated these late night rebooty calls.