@theshamingofjay: It's a good thing this video game is rated mature because it's going to be babysitting the kids tonight.
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@InstaTrent: A vegan girl told me that, "If you eat beef, you're basically a velociraptor." In what world is that not totally awesome.
@tastefactory: DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]
@sixfootcandy: Librarian: Shhh! Me: Shh! Librarian: Shh! Me: Shh! Librarian: *glares at me* Me: Look lady, I can do this all day.