@cluedont: It's actually illegal to see your neighbour washing his car and not say 'You can do mine next if you want!'.
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@LoveNLunchmeat: Told my kid he better not steal another candy bar cuz "we don't have time to get arrested" if you're looking for a parenting role model.
@BubblesnBooze: Marriage, when you drink as much as possible before your husband gets home so you can just drink 1 glass of wine in front of him.
@KalvinMacleod: VILLIAN: all this money is mine BANK TELLER: help us Velcroman, he’s getting away VELCROMAN: *stuck to the floor* who puts carpet in a bank?