It’s actually only “Helvetica” if it comes from the Helvetia region of Europe. Otherwise you have to call it “sparkling Arial”
You Might Also Like
The transition from Lego kid to Nerf kid provides a lot of relief to parents’ feet.
A couple drops of super glue on your fingers and you wont pay attention to any other thing on the planet for three hours.
I’ll burn that bridge when I get there.
Women love when their boots go Click Clack because it reminds them of horses, from which women evolved.
What a beautiful crisp spring day. The birds are singing, the sun is shining and I’m seething with anger as I think about what someone said to me 25 years ago.
The defense rests your honor.
*camera pans to defendant taking a nap*
I started my diet 2 hours ago, I’m glad that’s over.
I’m pretty sure Morgan Freeman was narrating while the universe was being created
Her: 😉 Is that a potato in your pocke…
Me: *pulls a steaming hot fully loaded potato from my pocket*
Cooking is easy if you’re single as long as you have a mom, leftovers and a microwave.
I shower with a suicide note in case I slip and die, at least I can make it look intentional instead of stupid.
*Burns dinner*
Who likes dark meat?
All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream
Sorry Siri, talking to machines is not for me. I still get tongue-tied at the drive-through.
Twitter has actually made me smarter. I proofread, I verify spelling and punctuation. Downside is I am now mute and haven’t bathed in days.
cop: *knocks on my car window*
me: sorry is the music too loud
cop: yes
me: *sets down bagpipes*
As everyone is watching in horror what I did to that pinata, I realized that’s not how you’re supposed to get to the candy.
I took my kids’ screens away so we could spend some quality time together and it turns out they are really terrible to be around
[using my one prison phone call in 2007] yes, one vote for Sanjaya please
help! watched my son get a mullet, and now I can’t stop singing Achy Breaky Heart.
Sorry I am late I was lost in a large, particularly labyrinthine sweater
Are you a sane person, or did you just ask a mannequin for directions to another department?
the worst part of facing the final boss in any video game is when he makes you fill out the self-evaluation portion of your performance review beforehand
One time I microwaved my lunch at work and my coworker said “That smells spicy! What is that–is that salt?” And when I was speechless she followed up with “Is it pepper?”
Me: goodnight son I love you.
3yo:
Me: I said I love you.
3yo: I love milk.
Me: okay. *unplugs nightlight*
My mom accidentally killed my boyfriend this weekend. She didn’t recognize him when she was canning pickles.
i forgot the term for sell-by date and called it a spoiler alert
‘I want to see other families.’
~Me, saying grace at Thanksgiving
Shoulder devil: Do it! Do it!
Shoulder angel:
Shoulder devil: Oh he long gone
Medusa was the absolute worst when it came to objectifying people.