@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
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@_NTFG_: Sometimes when I say "I'm OK", what I really want is for someone to give me a hug, say "You're not OK" and hand me $10,000.
@Illuminati_Stop: BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.
@Dadsbustednuts: I caught my employee sleeping on my office couch today. I didn't know if I should fire him, or tell him what I did on it last night.