@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
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@lilgapeach32: Water is good for you? I call bullshit. My phone drank some one time and guess what? IT DIED!
@drunktweets81: My life is like a beautiful piece of furniture from IKEA. Once I figure out how to put it all together, I may get to actually enjoy it.
@jilleb163: I didn't realize how many of the songs on my iPod are about sex and drugs until I hit "shuffle" in a car with a 12-year-old in it.