@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
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@SamuelHLowe: She invited me over for a romantic dinner and told me I was the dessert. I wanted ice cream.
@TheGoodGodAbove: It’s 100% legal to give cops the finger. But remember, it’s also apparently 100% legal for them to shoot and kill you.
@_wangwe: Superman's first day at the daily planet. Boss: Since you're new, you might need supervision. Clark: I have that, superhearing too.
@PJTLynch: Alfred: About your girlfriend Catwoman... Batman: Yes, she's a thief, but- A: No, she pooped on the rug again. Right next to the litter box!