@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.
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@CrazyIdiot6: Friends- What did you get for your birthday? Her- He went to Jared Friends- You're engaged!!! Her- No Jared is our weed dealer
@TheSnideOne: What I say: "Does anyone need anything from the store?" What I mean: "I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."
@Jerrypleasure: [First Day as a doctor] Nurse: We need to draw some blood Me: *Sweating* I forgot my crayons and drawing sheets Patient: *fainted*
@LuvPug: The only thing more annoying than vegans who won't shut up about being vegan is people who aren't vegan who won't shut up about vegans