@HeSlimedMeRay: It's "aisle" not "isle." If someone's on the "alcohol isle" that means they're in Jamaica, not at the grocery store.
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@onion_an: [at restaurant] Me: "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse" Wife: "I'm the same" Horse family at next table: *just sitting very still*
@longwall26: Review of "grandma": slow, slow-witted, terrified of technology, can't bench for shit, no karate, basically racist ★☆☆☆☆
@rolldiggity: Fun Game: 1. Be a couple without kids. 2. Hire a babysitter. 3. When they show up and ask where the kid is, scream, "You lost it already?!?"
@duplicitron: You're hiking. Smokey the Bear appears smoking a cigar. He nods, flicks it into a pile of leaves and smiles, "No one will ever believe you."