@HeSlimedMeRay: It's "aisle" not "isle." If someone's on the "alcohol isle" that means they're in Jamaica, not at the grocery store.
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@juliussharpe: After watching "Breaking Bad" and the VMAs in the same night, I think I'd rather my kid be a meth dealer than a musician.
@abbycohenwl: "It's a banana in my pocket" "May I remind the defendant that he's under oath?" *averts eyes* "I'm glad to see you"
@NewDadNotes: Ex-Wife: hey kids who wants to go for an ice cream sundae? Me: [trying to one-up her] hey kids who wants to go for an ice cream RIGHT NOW!
@Steelers1972: I swallowed my NyQuil with a 5 Hour energy and a latte and now my pet unicorn Steve and I are off to bake cheesecakes.