@jonnysun: its all fun and games until someone loses an I?. then we cant play scrabble anymor
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@TheHyyyype: WAITER: questions about the menu? ME: is it recycled paper? WAITER: no, i meant about what's on it ME: oh. what kind of ink is this?
@CodyJP9412: GUY SPIDER: (after sex) omg I can't wait to see my son GIRL SPIDER: *putting on bib* yeah, about that..
@sofarrsogud: MOM: Any plans tonight? ME: Me and the guys heading out to find us some ladees *shoots finger guns HER: So Pokemon Go with Gary? M: Yessss
@weenbeans: me: "okay I might as well just say it..I love you" girl dinosaur: "omg u have no idea how long I've waited for u to say that!" *meteorite*