@jonnysun: its all fun and games until someone loses an I?. then we cant play scrabble anymor
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@SomthinBoutSara: I'm so stoned........ It took me three tries to turn out the bathroom light. Turns out the toilet flush handle does not control the lights.
@sofarrsogud: ME: Yeah, I've heard that movie. FRIEND: You mean 'seen' that movie. ME: Ha ha. No! I'm on twitter. I haven't seen a movie in 3 years.
@PyrBliss: I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
@FatherWithTwins: My 5yo can't remember to take off his shirt before showering but he remembered that a month ago I said we'd go to the water park on Saturday