Good morning, here are some ABBA songs that could also be about Mario:
• Mamma Mia
• Money, Money, Money
• Super Trooper
• Name of the Game
• I’ve Been Waiting For You
• The Winner Takes It AllPlease let me know if there are any more.
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I like having younger friends. They’re fun, energetic, adventurous, and then they recommend going out after 8 PM and I’m like, this friendship has run its course.
Not my fault the petting zoo never specified what I was supposed to pet
Me: my imposter syndrome is pretty bad. I feel like I don’t deserve to be here, I’m not good enough
Satan: what
There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar
Him: what are you doing
Me: gas is so cheap right now
Him: ok but–
Me: *continues filling bathtub*
New diet plan: murder all the skinny people.
a black mirror episode where u text someone and they screenshot it for 27.9m ppl
If they cause you to have anxiety & panic attacks the majority of your relationship, move on.
In related news, I just broke up with my mom
Pro tip: Always plug in your Christmas lights to see if they work before you untangle them.
If my boyfriend ever cheated on me I’d be like omg I have a boyfriend 🙂
How close to the road does something have to be to assume it’s free to take, because that’s a really cool mailbox.
Its not what it looks like officer!
“you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n’sync”
Ok I guess it was what it looked like
Eww this cheese is disgusting!
*keeps eating it
How much would you have to pay a teacher to flunk your kid so he has to go to Summer School? Just planning ahead…
maybe leonardo dicaprio hated 9/11 so much that he can’t even date women who remember it. did that even occur to you
Not having a sex life has saved me a lot of money on razors.
Torturer: I’ll cut your fingers off
Me: I’ll NEVER tell you the passcode!
Torturer: I’ll burn your skin
Me: Never talking!
Torturer: I’ll read the poems you wrote in high school
Me: It’s 2547
“Donatello choose ur weapon”
“I’ll take a stick”
“Really not a sword? Nunchu..”
“A STICK”
“Ha I guess u wanna wear purple too?”
“…”
“Ugh”
sneezy geese carry a honkerchief
if you believe in the butterfly effect, then you know that people who react slowly to green lights are responsible for everything.
getting the worlds most powerful noise cancelling headphones so i can go to concerts and listen to the studio version of whichever song theyre playing currently
Way back when, I thought technology would look more like flying cars and less like me yelling “The laptop’s not a touch screen,” at my kids.
Hotel room coffee is still better than that whole relationship with you
mariah carrie
I’m sorry I used your Diva Cups to quarantine my sea monkeys.
Hear me out Pixar: 2 Rat 2 Touille
Why did the cup of tea I made you explode in your face?
I used Michael Bay leaves.
I’ll leave.
They say all good things must come to an end…
After 7 wonderful years of marriage…
I walked in on my wife…
Watching Twilight..
I saw a tweet saying liberals should create their own Captain America. They did. In 1940.
Southwest flight attendant told us to fasten our seatbelts because “the captain just saw Top Gun and wants to try something new”