@IdoNotPoo: It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband
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@jctwritesstuff: Me: I only wanted a little mayo! I can't eat this! Him: Does it matter that much? Me: Well, would you like me to stab you a little or a lot?
@ianabramson: I'm the kind of guy who peeks under bathroom stalls and asks where you go for taxes.
@dubstep4dads: i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed