@IdoNotPoo: It's all fun and games until you find the Twitter crush who catfished you is infact your husband
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@EndhooS: "If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily
@Dutch_50: Instructions in the Men's Room for hand washing. Because non-hand washers can't be bothered unless there's an opportunity to learn stuff.
@Sarcasticsapien: On Halloween I'm going to let kids decide between raisins and a toothbrush so they know what we're going through with this election.