@lurve_meh: It's all fun and games until you realize you're the girl at work known as "how is she still employed."
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@pitbull_wizard: [blind date is waiting nervously at the table] *I slowly emerge out of my own massive vape cloud and begin walking towards her*
@GibJimson: If you ever get drugged by someone and they steal an organ, just check Craigslist. That's probably where I'm selling it at.
@Midgetspar: If you try to rip somebody's head off, I suggest you train for it first. If you don't succeed it makes the following few minutes awkward.
@jilleb163: I didn't realize how many of the songs on my iPod are about sex and drugs until I hit "shuffle" in a car with a 12-year-old in it.