@Itskarleytime: It’s almost 2018 and laser eye surgery still doesn’t mean what I want it to
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@SCbchbum: My gal pal: "Are you on a diet? You look so nice & thin... What's you're secret?!" Me: "Poverty."
@Lufty: My Uber driver upon seeing my face(not on my profile) switches his music from rap to the Chainsmokers and this is probably the worst I'll ever be racially profiled
@occupied_stall: I only hug people so I can stick my hands in their pockets and search for snacks.