@jwoodham: It's almost Christmas, which means it's almost time to hear my parents' new excuses for why Jennifer Lawrence isn't under the tree again.
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@Jessdaisy: I'm "the cord popped out of the phone cause I tried to stretch it from the kitchen to my room" years old
@dumbbeezie: I hate it when you have french fries and all of the sudden people are acting like they like you
@Brampersandon_: [office meeting] BOSS: Printer ink is costing us a ton. Any ideas on how to cut costs? SQUID: *looks up from phone* Why y'all lookin' at me?