@AmishPornStar1: It's almost summer and I'm only three stomach flus and a couple tapeworms away from my beach body!!!
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@Dildo_Hitler: Bruce Willis in Starbucks. he gives his name as "not Bruce Willis" and when they call him he grabs his coffee and runs away giggling
@markleggett: I think comic book bad guys have the right idea, aiming their weapons directly at Captain America's shield. That's probably his weak point.
@AnOrangeSNES: I ate the worst cake of my life today, but then again that must have been why it was free at the urinal.