@mattZillaaaa: It's almost that time of night where I drunk text my ex "I have to tell you something" then shut my phone off.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jwoodham: DIET TIP: You are what you eat. Do you really want to be celery? C'mon. Not even celery wants to be celery.
@SirFlushaLot: I was kicked out of mime school once. I hadn't put the safety lock on and my finger guns went off. The whole class took cover in their boxes
@MarfSalvador: [My band playing on stage] New GF’s friend: Which one is the boy you’ve been seeing? New GF: *sees me playing accordion* He died
@CoreyKeyz: Don't bring up something I said 30 minutes ago. I'm a different person, I've changed since then.