@KevinFarzad: It's always awkward ending phone calls with loved ones. I always say, "I love you" and they're like, "thank you for choosing Domino's."
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@TheTobbie: Remember when you were at a friend's house & their folks fought & you didn't know where to look? It's how I get when Glee does a rap song...
@AbrasiveGhost: INTERVIEWER: And why under skills did you put "has dominion over bees"? ME: [covered in bee stings] You can cross that one off
@secondofhername: If you reply with "sky" each time I ask what's up, I shall assume you're homeless.