@RobDenBleyker: It's always funny when the flight attendant says "we know you have a choice of airlines" as if free will exists.
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@DanMentos: date: So what do you do? me: *pulls out stuffed fox* I'm a taxidermist date: Oh wow fox: and a ventriloquist
@InternetHippo: It’s inspiring today to see so many voters researching and learning about an important issue they voted on yesterday
@MikeBigby: [Airport security supervillain screening] AGENT: Spell 'haha' ME: OK, 'M',-- AGENT: ur under arrest
@jackmackenroth: If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it.