@ch000ch: it's always sad when you have to take your sick goldfish out to the pasture and shoot it in the head.
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@FunkyFresh_79: [runs inside of a gas station] "I NEED TO USE YOUR BATHROOM! IT'S AN EMERGENCY!" *takes a selfie in the bathroom mirror for an IG # game
@jackiembouvier: I wish I had remembered this was a rectal thermometer before I'd put it in my mouth for 3 minutes.
@lovemydogduck: Getting shit done. Was my response when my boss ask me what I'm doing. And now I'm sitting outside of H.R.
@w00f_w00f: Hate it when couples fight & change their relationship status to "single". I fight with my parents, and don't change my status to "orphan".