@JoParkerBear: It's always uncomfortable when someone says you might be their soulmate, and you have to tell them you don't have a soul.
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@kimtopher22: My neighbor accidentally called me "love" in a text looking for his cat and now we have more reason to never make eye contact again.
@HogwartsLogics: Me: when is the pizza ready? Dad: will you wait! Me: I DID MY WAITING Dad: oh god no Me: TWELVE YEARS Dad: not again Me: IN AZKABAN
@carlyaquilino: *lays in bed* "Did I leave the oven on? When's the last time I even baked anything? Like 6 months? I should probably still check to be sure"