@JermHimselfish: It's amazing how eating such a small amount of dog food can cause such a large amount of concern from the people at the pet store.
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE [in labour] GOD MAKE IT STOP MIDWIFE: The baby's WIFE: NO, THE NOISE ME [stops playing pan pipes] Is the nurse being too loud, love?
@Kyle_Lippert: I nominate Chris Brown to dump a bucket of boiling hot water on himself & to raise awareness for domestic violence.
@RobbyRob313: When I said that you'd always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway ... You can't stay here.