@pplwtching: It's amazing how soft hotel towels become after you wash them at home.
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@Reverend_Scott: GOD: I call those trees and plants ANGEL: very beautiful GOD: ya I'm gonna make some people allergic to them ANGEL: dude who hurt you
@BoogTweets: God: Noah, I’d like to talk to you about the animals you have on the Ark Noah: what’s wrong? God: are you sure they aren’t all just dogs wearing different animal costumes Noah: *with a dog sized elephant humping his leg* hahaha that’s crazy
@MissyBell71: When someone asks me, "Is this seat saved?" I like to say "No, but we're still praying for it" and I laugh because chairs are like, dead.
@sirmunchie: Someday, my kids will say "daddy, wanna hear a cool story" and it will actually be followed by the telling of a cool story.