@AnniemuMary: It's an unspoken rule on garbage day that pajamaed neighbors pretend not to see each other.
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@MartaEffing: I hug my Uber driver at the airport so people will think I have a family that loves me.
@d_duhwit: Wife*comes home*: What's that noise? Me: U said to give Tim an anvil Wife: ADVIL! He should be in bed Me: but..he's almost finished my sword
@De_ja_vu_who: I peel my underwear off as you watch me & then hand it to you, Smiling You know what's coming next.. It's your turn to do the laundry
@Donna_Gallers: Avoid the horror of watching your children’s nativity this year by using a condom approximately six years before you have to attend.