@joeljeffrey: Its awkward touching hands with another man in a popcorn bag, especially if you dont know the man & he doesnt know youre eating his popcorn
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@NATxHAN: Me: Santa, why are women so scary? Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me.
@Home_Halfway: Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find.
@pixelatedboat: It's bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors