@MandiAtRandom: It's been 5 years now. I'm afraid that I actually might not be bloated.
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@katlamcglynn: Why are books the only thing advertised as "Wherever books are sold." You can't sell other stuff by saying "Wherever you get this shit, IDK"
@squirrel74wkgn: [guy next to me at urinal] "Is that a 5 or 6?" ...about 5-1/2 I guess. "Really? (looks at iPhone on my hip) Can I see it?" *zips up* No.
@jonnysun: [2005, youtube's first pitch meeting] ok so basicaly its like if america's funniest home videos was on 24 hrs a day on evrey computer-- SOLD
@Tetley6969: At the restaurant I heard a lady say her taco was too salty. My wife had to leap over the table and cover my mouth before I said something.