@CrackedIllusion: It's been about 3 years since my last drink and I'm still hungover.
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@JediGigi: OMG MOM SHUT UP IM TRYING TO SUMMON THE DARK LORD TO PLAY SCRABBLE YES I WANT A HAM OMELETTE
@ArfMeasures: GF: What's my biggest flaw? ME: You haven't got any, you're perfect, I love you GF: No come on, I mean pacifically ME: We should split up
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "What's your greatest accomplishment?" Me: "I was in a lot of people's MySpace Top 8s back in 2004."
@Sickayduh: Me: *goes to jail for murdering coworkers* Boss: You're still coming in early tomorrow, right?