@LeonEarlgrey: So embarrassing when you compliment a lady on her large belly and it turns out she's just pregnant.

@Kyle_Lippert: [A bengals fan watching Titanic] I can't wait until the end when Jack and Rose get married

@egg_dog: HEY GRAPEFRUIT, know what else is a grape AND a fruit? GRAPES. yeah. so get your own name you citrus idiot

@GrowlyGrego: *walks out of prison, a free man. *guards shouting from gate "From! At! For! With!" What? "Oh, we always end sentences with a preposition"

@daemonic3: DOCTOR: You should lose some weight ME: Ok I'll consider it VET: Your dog should lose some weight ME: Hey bud, you're going on a diet!