@pixelatedboat: It's bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors
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@pharmasean: “Say ur a bad girl” I’m a bad girl “oooh yeah, and tell me what bad girls do…” ooh i’m gonna sign up for 3 months of yoga and only go twice
@ArfMeasures:  ME:Make it enormous "But if I paint a red cross on ur door, ppl will think you've got the plague & never visit" ME:Make it enormous
@causticbob: My boss is coming to my grandad's funeral tomorrow. He said, after his 3 previous funerals he personally wants to see him go in the ground
@tacos_y_cerveza: I bet the guy that was looking forward to his next life and came back reincarnated as me is really disappointed.