@UnFitz: It's called "personal grooming" as though we might get confused and groom a total stranger.
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@litfirebird: Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses? Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast.
@RoosterMustache: *bursts into church* DONT MARRY THAT WOMAN ... Undertaker: "This is a funeral" ... OKAY WELL IT STILL HOLDS TRUE, DONT MARRY HER
@daemonic3: We're having sweet potato fries with dinner "Haha sweet potatoes?" DON'T "Don't what?" You're gonna make a dumb potato pun "I YAM NOT!"
@salamingia: I prepare my daughter for disappointment by always giving her the iPad with a 4% charge.