@Cheeseboy22: "It's cold!", "Happy birthday!", "I'm so blessed", "Political rant!"... There, now you don't have to go to Facebook today. You're welcome.
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@T_N_Crumpets: Me: [bursts into wife's meeting] BABE, IT HAPPENED! Wife: Dave, I'm at wo- Me: I paid for 6 [empties chicken nuggets on table] I got 7
@Sassafrantz: As a mom, I know nothing good happens after you hear one of your kids yell "JOHN CENA!!"
@amazymay72x: Husband: I'll unload the dishwasher for you, honey. Me: No rush. 3 days later.......regrets saying no rush.
@Scottzilla667: Pro is good and con is bad, so they should rename the Constitution to Prostitutio-oh, never mind.