@thatUPSdude: It's common knowledge talking shit will result in dental work.
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@Sickayduh: MOM: You give that back to him, mister ME: Ok mom MOM: and what do we say now? ME: *climbing off unicycle* sorry I tried to steal your girl
@Scimommy: Who needs to watch the #SOTU when I can just read my TL? Here's what I've learned so far: John Boehner is still orange.
@mstluvstrinkets: Just saw a commercial for weight gainer pills. Have the people with this "problem" not heard of pizza and alcohol?
@NotARatsAss: My night was going great until a neighbor flew their drone over my property. So I grabbed my shotgun and yelled, "Pull!"