@Bagyants: It's convenient for my password security needs that my mother's maiden name is Waffles4%
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@jackiembouvier: Friend: I'm getting married! Me: I suffer from IBS. F: Why are you telling me that? M: I thought we were just stating unfortunate truths.
@RxitWounds: [Sirens] Dude open the door! *barricading* How do i know you're not 1 of them?! Were you bit?! What?! Do you not know what a hurricane is?
@SteveSuckington: Me: omg can smoking weed make u hallucinate? Dog making pancakes: lol that wasn't weed dude
@megfraser: HELLO automatic flushing toilet!! I appreciate the enthusiasm but I really wasn't finished