@Bagyants: It's convenient for my password security needs that my mother's maiden name is Waffles4%
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@osigat: <- I've been drinking for almost 6 hours. If you see something wash up on shore that looks like this, please identify me.
@Scorpio1080: The lottery gives you about a 1 in 200 million chance you won't be going to work tomorrow. Alcohol will give you a 1 in 5. #PowerballFever
@zachreinert03: Saw a guy smoking while pumping gas & at first glance thought 'wow that's not safe' & at second glance thought 'wow that guy's on fire'
@JessObsess: It's so embarrassing when someone gets to second base with me and finds crumbs in my bra.