@ch000ch: it's cool when my one dog shits the other one has to go and inspect it like "just as i suspected guys. it's shit."
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@GensPlace: I know I'm gorgeous, young and sexy. My secret to eternal youth is a steamy bathroom, so my glasses mist up.
@JessObsess: [Starbucks] What can I get you? I'll have a large coffee, black "You don't have to say black" I'll have a large coffee, African American
@OhNoSheTwitnt: A lot of your 30’s involves finding out that the bartender is younger than you and so is your doctor.
@ArfMeasures: WIFE: Guess what? ME: What? WIFE: Guess who said their first words today? ME: He didn't! WIFE: Yes he did ME: This is amazing, what did the dog say? WIFE: I was talking about your son ME: He said a whole sentence?!!