@ch000ch: it's cool when my one dog shits the other one has to go and inspect it like "just as i suspected guys. it's shit."
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@AmishPornStar1: "Awwww, that is so sweet! I think you're outstanding too!" me, to the collection agency
@ohen39: wife: I am having an affair me: *handing menu back to waiter* I'll have the affair as well
@iwearaonesie: wife: I wish you were more romantic me *starts biting the chicken nugget I'm eating into the shape of a heart*