@theshamingofjay: It's cray that I totes obvi say perf and adorbz on the regs
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@madcaplaughs30: This lady didn't know how to use the gas pump, so I winked at her and whispered "nobody does" while pouring gas into my jacket pocket.
@quikkim: *Approaches a guy reading "Catch Me If You Can"* I love that book. The way he just *clenches fist* catches all those freakin' cans.
@darinlovesbacon: Your honor I object! That other lawyer is saying stuff that makes my client look guilty
@madeleinesweet: *on the subway* CUTE GUY: [mouths “hi”] PRETTY GIRL: [mouths “hi” back] ME, IN BETWEEN THEM: [exaggeratedly mouths "YOU GUYS LIKE HOTDOGS"]