@caraweinberger: It's crazy how my ex was so upset about losing me that he had to build a life with a new woman.
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@PyrBliss: Just thought about sex for the 100th time today, and let me tell you, it's definitely NOT the thought that counts.
@Rollinintheseat: Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?" *20 minutes later* Me: "No."
@lasergirl70: Wearing a pretty new bra today that nobody else is gonna see, so everytime I go to the bathroom, I flash myself in the mirror.
@noog: Everyone’s all worried about World War III. Worry about the important shit. Batman’s fighting Superman in 2016.