@caraweinberger: It's crazy how my ex was so upset about losing me that he had to build a life with a new woman.
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@biatchppplease: My 6 yr old just asked if I'm a happy wife.. her cover is blown I think she might be working for the other side
@TheRolo: Hey guurl. "Hey there." Feeling lonely tonight? "I have a boyfriend." Why are you talking to me then? "You haven't taken my order yet."
@thegynomite: Every selfie you post should come stamped with a number like a limited edition print. "Attempt 7 of 25".
@useful_wagon: Of course I swallow it's a basic function of eating. What kind of job interview is this anyway and why are there multiple cameras