@Love_bug1016: It’s cute how people just rudely walk in front of my car like they don’t realize I’ll hit them and blame it on being an Asian driver.
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@CelticMoonDance: I'm beginning to question your proclamation of your "spiritual gifts". You are about as intuitive as my autocorrect.
@SteveSuckington: [2 guys at open mic night] What are we gonna name our band? [from crowd] look at the one guys hair! LMFAO *they look at each other*
@occupied_stall: Her: Dude all your selfies look the same. Me: That’s because it’s me in all of them.
@missrobotnik: The ladies in my knitting club think it's hilarious when I greet them by saying, "Sup, my knittas?!"