@SheBanggs: It's cute how they show subtitles during Here Comes Honey Boo Boo & pretend that anyone watching might actually know how to read.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Ladies, don't be sad if your thighs begin to start touching You're becoming a mermaid!
@ericsshadow: [wife checking on me and the kids] Hello "I called the house, you didn't answer." I went out. "Ok. Well how have they been?" How's who been?
@dhumann: Like that scene in 'The Revenant' where Leo is mauled by the bear but it's just me at your wedding reception dancing with your grabby aunt.
@dreamsinchocola: My husbands signature move is running to town "real quick" and coming home 5 hours later.