@NicestHippo: It's disturbing that when we see a man's mustache fall off we assume it's an identity theft situation and not a medical emergency
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@coryrichardson_: [movie date] me: i snuck in some snacks her: omg!! me: *clutching ramen noodles* do you have any boiling water
@MarkoESQ: Because the platypus both lays eggs and produces milk, it is one of the few animals that can make its own custard.
@DanMentos: [guy in charge of naming superheroes] Superman, next Batman, next Wonder Woman, next Aquaman, next *takes a hit of acid* Green Lantern