It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler. "Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."

@Mish3l_Ali: My girlfriend said she wanted me to be more like her Ex. So I dumped her.

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@kendrawcandraw: Is the person naming these colors of yarn okay

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@LoveNLunchmeat: I used to think people who looked for sex on craigslist were rock bottom... Then I discovered twitter.

30

@bigmacher: If the Powerball has taught me anything, it's how to turn $200 into $4.

1

@paulablu22: A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up along side them and say "I think we lost them."

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