@VenisVal: It's easier to compliment a woman when you're traveling with a toddler.
"Son, say hi to the beautiful lady with the piercing green eyes."
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@FlyJ_: I still don't understand why my boss didn't like my idea of playing musical chairs at our next Monday meeting. He asked us for new ideas.
@AphroditeAfter5: Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
@XplodingUnicorn: Jesus: Go forth. You are now fishers of men. Peter: *harpoons a guy* Jesus: Too literal, bro.
@jake_likes_naps: [throws bread to a duck] Duck: I have a boyfriend
@joshuadun: I'm going to name my daughter Chilada so that when her siblings have children, they will call her Aunt Chilada.
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