@myles_morrison: It's easier to get away with stealing someone's stroller if you're dressed as a jogger.
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@kashmir_lover1: Autocorrect changed Friend to Fiend but sleeping with a Fiend with Benefits is actually a little more exhilarating
@MaraWritesStuff: Adele is an amazing singer. The problem is, when one of her songs comes on, everyone else thinks they are, too
@DLin71: TRUMP: Hillary won't stand up to America's enemies. I will. *Gets into fights with Miss Universe, Gold Star family, and a baby*
@Tmoney68: Look, if I offer you a bite of my calamari, you're bound to offer me a bite of your food. Legally, it's known as Squid Pro Quo.