@Schmoodles: It's easier to travel back in time and stop yourself from being born than it is to delete your Facebook account.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ilyaschaeffer: Netflix would be a great dating site. "Here are 20 other singles in your area who have also watched Shameless for 7 straight hours."
@DanMentos: My Grandpa: killed 17 Nazis and singlehandedly saved his entire battalion in WWII Me: Sits around all day making up stories about my Grandpa
@bazlyons: Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.
@ThisOneSayz: Clearly something went amiss when I said I liked an animal in the bedroom and he showed up with a raccoon.