@trevso_electric: It's Election Eve, Not Election and Steve!
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@SteveSuckington: If you tell me I can only have sex with your sister over your dead body, your funeral is going to be awkward for some of your family.
@pixelatedboat: You (drinking coffee): Drugs are bad Me (smugly injecting heroin): Actually, coffee is a drug
@Imsohoppy: I have a particular set of skills, skills that allow me to open beer cans so no one in the house knows I'm drinking.
@Mike_Vanatta: My wife complains that I never open the car door for her, but when I do she's all, "Stop it, you're driving too fast! We're on a bridge!"