@librarianfonz: It's especially on Fridays at 5 pm when I wish I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
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@Bluestmoon_: There are pants in the bathroom trash can at work, so someone is having a worse day than you.
@Easy_Tiger__: People who take things literally on twitter, stop. Wait. First take this tweet literally, then stop.
@AnniemuMary: My husband got new earbuds. Think I'll skip the middle man and put them straight in the washing machine.