@House_Feminist: It’s fucked up that probably everyone believes their pets share their political views
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@WilliamAder: I wonder about the people who unfollow after one day. What were they expecting, Louis C.K.?
@AthenaMystique: Just saw a sign advertising crabs and clams. I don't know about you, but I prefer to keep the crabs away from my clam.
@matt___nelson: [at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: "what can I get u?" "do u have any eucalyptus?" *restaurant goes quiet*