@House_Feminist: It’s fucked up that probably everyone believes their pets share their political views
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@GinAndJif: If it’s dark enough in the club, you can get away with using Monopoly money for a surprising amount of time before being thrown out.
@eedrk: Each day I wake up at 6am and - Send every man in my phone a text that says "what's up dog -- we good?" - Send every woman in my phone a text that says "So apparently you think I'm an idiot..." Then I go to the gym for twelve hours
@Wakenbake77: If you find a fry on the floor and you don't share it with me, we can't be friends. Don't touch me. Monster.